The Light Dimmer Switch Effect

Do you ever wonder where self-confidence comes from? Or the lack of self-confidence? I have a theory that it comes from a bunch of small actions around a certain topic that over time become compounded enough to make us feel like we are “less than”. I believe this starts when we are young children and can affect us until the day we die if we let it. 

I like to call this the “Light Dimmer Switch Effect”. Every time we accept a limiting belief about ourselves, our light switch dims a little bit. Eventually, this light switch is shut off. We feel completely self-conscious about something very specific, it becomes a blind spot, a dark hole of sadness and a limiting belief. 

The first time I remember this happening to me was in 1st Grade. I was very excited to go to school, even though I was the youngest kid in my class! It was on Monday, September 10th, 1984. I was sitting at my desk, beaming with anticipation of the big day; the day our teacher would split the class into two reading groups in order to ensure more 1:1 time with each of the students. Every single kid knew we were getting split into groups based on our abilities. I knew I was going to be with my smart friends and be in the advanced reading group.

By the time our teacher had read the names of each group of students, it became very apparent to me that I was in the “dumb kid” group. Am I dumb? Am I stupid? Oh my gosh, I am the kid in the “room for improvement” group. Smart kids on the right, room for improvement kids on the left. 

I was a small kid in stature when I was young, but I was big in personality. This newly assigned group shook me to my core. I came out of the womb talking in paragraphs and was very confident I had the largest vocabulary in the room. So why the heck was I put in the dumb kid group? Does my teacher know something about me that I don’t know about myself? Maybe she knows that I am not very smart and I just haven’t figured it out yet. 

My huge internal flame of self-love took a hit that Monday morning. It was my very first memory of being “less than”. I remember the feeling that came over me as I sat in my chair, I felt ashamed, and I felt sad. I felt like maybe I wasn’t so good after all. It was the first time I let someone else affect the way that I feel about myself. That negative self-talk conversation that so many of us do inside our heads was not very kind, joyful or positive. I told myself I wasn’t a good reader, I wasn’t going to do great things in my life, and I was someone who needed room for improvement. 

That one experience shaped me and my belief in my educational abilities for the rest of my formal education. I did not believe I could spell words correctly or read well. I still get a mild panic attack every time I have to read out loud to a group of people.

Would we ever talk to our friends or family the way that we often talk to ourselves? Those little gremlins living deep within our minds that tell us we are less than and not worthy of greatness. For almost 40 years of my life, this was my negative self-talk reel. “Kara, you are not smart enough to hang with the cool kids. You will never be a smart kid. You suck at reading, and you won’t score well on standardized tests, because when it all comes down to it, you are a dumb kid. The only way you are going to make it in life is if you outwork and out-hustle everyone else. You are going to have to use your street smarts and personality to make it. You certainly can’t get there the old-fashioned way.” 

Now, if I would take my name out of it, and put my beautiful daughter's name in, that would absolutely never come out of my mouth. No way! Talk about a gut punch. It would break my heart if she talked to herself this way. So why would I allow myself to live with that kind of negative self-talk movie reel?         

As I think about moments in life that were pivotal in making me feel less confident, I try to approach them with compassion and grace. I also believe the dimmer switch can work in reverse too.  It may have taken me 40 years to learn the lesson, but I no longer feel that way about myself. Every time I fill my head with a positive belief about myself, I get to move that dimmer switch a little brighter. 

My hope for myself and for all of you is that you can fill your heart with enough good things that you can change the way you see yourself. This won’t happen overnight, but each positive interaction moves that switch closer and closer to the light. Today I encourage you to stand tall, look in a mirror, and say 10 positive “I AM” statements out loud. If you need a little inspiration, here are mine for the day:

• I am smart.
• I am kind.
• I am worthy of a life of happiness.
• I am creative.
• I am blessed.
• I am a force of positivity in the world.
• I am a great presenter and public speaker.
• I am a great writer who loves reading. 
• I am an inspirational force of goodness. 
• I am love.  

Love and light my friends,

Kara